On Monday I embark on surgery! Just saying thanks for all the support and love! Try to get by a few days without any butt-updates. I know you can do it. Yarrr!
Sunday is Funday, presurgically speaking!...
*Not safe for anyone, really. Well, maybe it’s not so bad. You decide. I’m tired. Here’s my presurgery prep day schedule! Eat nothing. Make extensive and overreaching to-do list. Mix up a gallon jug of PEG (antifreeze). Add lemon flavoring. Chill. Drink this until you can’t stand it anymore. Take up residence in the bathroom. Reading materials: Star Trek...
Comedy = Colostomy + Time
Give me a week or two, kids. Or not. Slogan contest to come!
Aha! You see? I was right!
I have a bad cold. And cancer. And the cold is making me MISERABLE. Minor point. Carry on.
"I'm sorry, that sucks." About caregiving and...
Kelli Dunham is a hero, artist, nurse and all-around fabulous person. Her newest web venture is practical and heart-breaking at the same time. Which sounds like an odd description, but it seems to fit. I’m horrible at asking for help, but one thing I’ve learned is that people want to help. If anything, people feel helpless and allowing them to help is a gift. I’ve gotten way...
My (Internet*) Viral Week, and moving right along.
*I think I probably irritated the heck out of my favorite nurse by sending him links with the subject line I’m Viral! It’s funny - having my post all over the world’s internets made me freeze up from my normal everyday blogging. I’m back on it - first, a few little recaps. My favorite international post - Hungary! Because Hungarian is so cool and unintelligible to me. (I...
nom nom nom
The week before surgery, and I have the urge to eat anything and everything. I’m thinking I just want to take full advantage of my digestive system before it’s sliced, diced and what not.
Kaleidoscope Kicks Cancer Out - Monday October 24,... →
Hooray! Raising bucks for a good cause and playing with people I adore! poupak: Cathryn Mudon and I are hosting a special Kaleidoscope to benefit the fight against cancer. All details below: Captains: Michelle Dobrawsky and Morgan Phillips. Proceeds go to Gilda’s Club. Donate online. You can also donate to American Cancer Society for the event here. There are two divisions of prizes: RAFFLE...
21st century problems
Chemo has screwed up my fingertips such that I have trouble with touch screens; I have to blow on my fingers before using Hipstamatic on my iPhone. (don’t actually have Hipstamatic on my iPhone. Yet.)
Slightly rough tonight.
Recipe for the cure of a cumulative attack of the willies*: 2 klonopin 6 games Bejeweled 3 teaspoons leftover frosting. *It is astounding how difficult it is, in this day and age, to find a “Far Side” cartoon online. However, given the nerd-leanings of most of my friends, they know the reference.
Hey! Where am I?
Hey kids - Weirdly enough, since my blog became popular, I’ve been frozen still about blogging. I had neatly collected and hyperlinked my thoughts on that subject, but Safari ate it and I got irritated. So while I attempt to organize my thoughts, I’ll just go back to random crap that’s not nearly as fascinating as Mr. Hankey. Howdy, ho!
Just came across your blog and wanted to say that I love your attitude. Good luck for the future. I hope your ass gets better
Wishing you the best
Michelle.. Whoever sid you had a crappy sense of humor is full of shit! Honestly…I admire the way you have handled yourself during what has to be a very difficult time. Wishing you all the best, Linda San Lucas
Holy crap! This idea is catching on! →
My comedy peeps have not let me down - including ones who write for the Onion AV Club. Thanks so much for helping get the word out! I’ve been having a crappy (har) cancery attitude these past few days, and this is really brightening me up.
Anonymous asked: I'm happy to repost and pass on this information... but have you tried emailing it to Trey Parker & Matt Stone? Posting this on the internet is great, but I do hope you try reaching out directly to them. I can't include links in this, but you can google their addresses.
An Open Letter to Trey Parker and Matt Stone
Dear Trey and Matt, I’m a longtime, devoted fan of South Park, right from the start. Your work is truly inspired. In turn, I’ve been inspired with a great idea I’d like to share with you! Boy, I wish my writing was better; wittier, more persuasive. However, I’ve got cancer and it’s totally affecting my art. Yep, I’ve got cancer. Rectal cancer - the...
…it’s OK if you have a cold. Or a bad day at work. Or a sore ankle. Even though I have cancer. Really. These things suck no less because I have a dread disease. No need to apologize for any, all, and all things similar in scope to the above. Sometimes I have cancer AND a cold. Now THAT sucks. Sniff. Carry on.
Eliza! Eliza!: Sick. →
I take this awfulness personally. It sucks to be sick, especially gut-sick. And uninsured. And flat on your back in pain. I am a lucky chick. elizaeliza: I want Ryan Gosling to buy me health insurance. Or maybe Mila Kunis. Here’s the thing - I am sick. I am severely anemic and stuck in the middle of a pretty brutal Ulcerative Colitis flare. I was diagnosed with UC 5 years ago - it’s a...
Best costume idea so far!
From my old pal Josh via Facebook: “Anyway, I have an idea for a costume type thing. It would make everyone in the operating room very uncomfortable but I think it would be hilarious. So right before you go into surgery, have someone put big “X”s on your eyelids. So when you are in surgery and out like a light, you look cartoony dead. Also, sneak in a fart machine and give...
On a lighter note (NSFPWHF*)
*Not safe for people who hate farts. BF: (paraphrased due to faulty memory and being a tad horrified) You know, your farts have a lower frequency now. They definitely sound better. That means you’re getting better. Before, they were seriously high-pitched, like only dogs could hear them, like little “pew pew pew” (unintelligible). Now they sound way more normal....
Sometimes the person hugging you needs the hug even more. Let them hug.
‘Kindness’ covers all of my political beliefs. I believe that if, at the end,...– Roger Ebert (via mymotherwasright)
Surgery is set for 10/31. Happy Halloween! Proposed costume ideas for wearing into surgery: Bunny ears and tail Wonder Woman headdress Gloria Gaynor singing “I will Survive” Clown wig Slutty GI surgery patient (hospital gown and fishnets) Suggestions welcome!
King (Queen) of Pain
I wonder if my pain threshold will ever snap back to normal. Between experiencing the most excruciating pain of my life (that gobs of opiates could only blunt a bit), and developing a slight but troublesome neuropathy in my fingers and toes, pain is something I’m kind of overlooking. I’ve gotten kitchen cuts and burns, including splattering hot applesauce, and kind of shrugged it...
I Want My Cancer TV! (da- dah da- da da da da)*
*If you are old enough to remember this reference, you’re probably not reading this blog. But seriously, folks. The NY Times article got me thinking about how much cancer culture I cultivate. Nice alliteration, right? I don’t watch “The Big C.” I haven’t watched any fatal-disease movies recently, and I don’t intend to see 50-50, no matter how adorable and...
The well-told partial truth to deflect the private raw truth.– Spalding Grey (in today’s NYTimes) I really believe this informs how I write about myself, and my illness. At least that’s what I strive for.
Laughing at the Big C →
The existence of the frank new cancer comedy film “50/50” prompts the question, “How did we get here?” - So, does this mean my one-woman show “Cancer Made Me Pretty” is passe? Crap! (Actually, Crap! is the alternate working title.)
Don't walk onto the lot unless you're going to...
Visited the surgeon. Am having surgery! Shock! (Or, should I say, shocker?)
Too soon, too soon.
Steve Jobs. Elizabeth Edwards. Cheryl B. And so many more, too many to name. Died from cancer, too soon. Fought it like mad. Worked, advocated, created, participated fiercely in life till the end. I hate to admit it, really, but these early-dying thoughts loom larger than expected in my mind. I’m 43 years old. I have cancer that has not been localized to one neat spot in my body. ...
Write it in the blog or save it for the show? Performers are such poopy-heads! (no pun)
And another thing.
I’m sweaty and freezing at the same time. Explain that one.
Sorry, can't come out, got to grow my hair...
Crap, crap, crap. I know I have friends. Lovely friends. I live in a fabulous city, with great places to go. I am part of an arts community with plenty of opportunities to see and do funny stuff. Yet I can’t get off the @#%%^^ing sofa. You’d think I was cured. Right? That I need no more drugs, or excessive amounts of sleep. BUT I CAN’T DO ANYTHING. I can’t do...