February 2012
2 posts
January 2012
16 posts
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Christopher Hitchens' next-to-last VF column →
I wanted to quote this but couldn’t. So much is so true.
RIP.
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Ask a stupid question....
Me: (in a mood of all moods) So, why did I get this surgery anyway?
Badger: Because you’d die without it.
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Part 2 in the obvious department
When in pain: don’t do stuff.
When not in pain: do stuff.
Sorry kids.
Not only can I find no humor in it yet, I can’t even really write about the ileostomy experience.
If you read cheery accounts of people living with them on line, keep in mind that I hate them all.
FAIL
Me: So, am I healed up yet?
Radiologist (brightly): Oh no, you’ve got a ways to go!
Hey? Anyone ever been on meds?
Every night between 8-10, I get pained, squirrely, restless and am just an all-out mess. This doesn’t happen in the mornings. I take meds at 10 AM and 10 PM.
Why does this happen?
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Via Mom
Me: So they transferred you to the step-down out of ICU!
Mom: Yeah, they probably needed the bed.
Mom’s a bit further out of the woods right now, but she still needs rehab to get back on her feet.
Via Mom
Mom: grumble grumble cough (through oxygen mask)
Mom’s not well right now. Less well than me. So, I’ll likely be posting a bit less. I’m exhausted.
Let Gwyneth Paltrow tidy up your colon | Film |... →
Perhaps I will send Gwyneth my excised foot o’ colon.
Tidy that!
Get well soon!
I hope the surgery went well. Post an update when you can.
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Comedy = ?
I still can’t seem to make my ileostomy funny.
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Deep breath...a long listy venty post.
10/31/11: Surgery to remove tumor margins and temporarily resect colon to allow reconnection later. Surgery takes eight hours.
Spent 5 days in ICU due in part to tachycardia and excessive blood loss. Took 2 blood transfusions. Discharged 3 days later with temporary ileostomy. Epic trouble in managing same (decreased but continuing).
At home, in increasing pain. Have not eaten or drank...
Belated New Year's Eve post
How I spent it:
Baked ziti (made by me) and intensely buttery garlic bread (made by Badger)
Watching the ball drop (heh heh) on TV. Highlight - Lady Gaga dancing with Mayor Bloomberg. I heart NYC.
So, so glad to be alive.
Happy New Year, all. Marching into 2012 with increased hope and decreased intestines.
December 2011
1 post
Fluffy Bunny
By the time my second hospital stay came around, my arms looked like that of an errant junkie who missed the cut for “Work of Art.” One evening, after a series of unsuccesful punctures, they called in a pro. The Badger noticed his name tag and inquired, “Fluffy Bunny?” Nurse Bunny, a slightly-built gentleman of a certain age, nodded and said “Yep, it’s real. ...
November 2011
2 posts
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I'm Home! But too sore to be adorably witty.
So here’s some brief fun facts about my rectal cancer surgery.
Number of days inpatient: 7
Number of days in ICU: 4.5
Number of blood units infused: 2
Number of incisions/openings: 4
Number of stacked up containers of apple juice and jello (max): 6.
More later!
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October 2011
41 posts
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Avast, mateys!
On Monday I embark on surgery! Just saying thanks for all the support and love!
Try to get by a few days without any butt-updates. I know you can do it.
Yarrr!
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Sunday is Funday, presurgically speaking!...
*Not safe for anyone, really. Well, maybe it’s not so bad. You decide. I’m tired.
Here’s my presurgery prep day schedule!
Eat nothing.
Make extensive and overreaching to-do list.
Mix up a gallon jug of PEG (antifreeze). Add lemon flavoring. Chill.
Drink this until you can’t stand it anymore.
Take up residence in the bathroom. Reading materials: Star Trek...
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Comedy = Colostomy + Time
Give me a week or two, kids.
Or not.
Slogan contest to come!
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Aha! You see? I was right!
I have a bad cold. And cancer.
And the cold is making me MISERABLE.
Minor point. Carry on.
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"I'm sorry, that sucks." About caregiving and...
Kelli Dunham is a hero, artist, nurse and all-around fabulous person.
Her newest web venture is practical and heart-breaking at the same time. Which sounds like an odd description, but it seems to fit.
I’m horrible at asking for help, but one thing I’ve learned is that people want to help. If anything, people feel helpless and allowing them to help is a gift. I’ve gotten way...
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My (Internet*) Viral Week, and moving right along.
*I think I probably irritated the heck out of my favorite nurse by sending him links with the subject line I’m Viral!
It’s funny - having my post all over the world’s internets made me freeze up from my normal everyday blogging. I’m back on it - first, a few little recaps.
My favorite international post -
Hungary! Because Hungarian is so cool and unintelligible to me. (I...
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nom nom nom
The week before surgery, and I have the urge to eat anything and everything. I’m thinking I just want to take full advantage of my digestive system before it’s sliced, diced and what not.
Kaleidoscope Kicks Cancer Out - Monday October 24,... →
Hooray! Raising bucks for a good cause and playing with people I adore!
poupak:
Cathryn Mudon and I are hosting a special Kaleidoscope to benefit the fight against cancer. All details below: Captains: Michelle Dobrawsky and Morgan Phillips. Proceeds go to Gilda’s Club. Donate online. You can also donate to American Cancer Society for the event here. There are two divisions of prizes: RAFFLE...
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21st century problems
Chemo has screwed up my fingertips such that I have trouble with touch screens; I have to blow on my fingers before using Hipstamatic on my iPhone.
(don’t actually have Hipstamatic on my iPhone. Yet.)
Slightly rough tonight.
Recipe for the cure of a cumulative attack of the willies*:
2 klonopin
6 games Bejeweled
3 teaspoons leftover frosting.
*It is astounding how difficult it is, in this day and age, to find a “Far Side” cartoon online. However, given the nerd-leanings of most of my friends, they know the reference.
Hey! Where am I?
Hey kids -
Weirdly enough, since my blog became popular, I’ve been frozen still about blogging. I had neatly collected and hyperlinked my thoughts on that subject, but Safari ate it and I got irritated.
So while I attempt to organize my thoughts, I’ll just go back to random crap that’s not nearly as fascinating as Mr. Hankey.
Howdy, ho!
Just came across your blog and wanted to say that I love your attitude. Good luck for the future. I hope your ass gets better
Wishing you the best
Michelle..
Whoever sid you had a crappy sense of humor is full of shit! Honestly…I admire the way you have handled yourself during what has to be a very difficult time.
Wishing you all the best,
Linda San Lucas
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Holy crap! This idea is catching on! →
My comedy peeps have not let me down - including ones who write for the Onion AV Club. Thanks so much for helping get the word out!
I’ve been having a crappy (har) cancery attitude these past few days, and this is really brightening me up.
Anonymous asked: I'm happy to repost and pass on this information... but have you tried emailing it to Trey Parker & Matt Stone? Posting this on the internet is great, but I do hope you try reaching out directly to them. I can't include links in this, but you can google their addresses.
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An Open Letter to Trey Parker and Matt Stone
Dear Trey and Matt,
I’m a longtime, devoted fan of South Park, right from the start. Your work is truly inspired. In turn, I’ve been inspired with a great idea I’d like to share with you!
Boy, I wish my writing was better; wittier, more persuasive. However, I’ve got cancer and it’s totally affecting my art.
Yep, I’ve got cancer. Rectal cancer - the...
Just saying...
…it’s OK if you have a cold. Or a bad day at work. Or a sore ankle.
Even though I have cancer.
Really. These things suck no less because I have a dread disease. No need to apologize for any, all, and all things similar in scope to the above.
Sometimes I have cancer AND a cold. Now THAT sucks.
Sniff.
Carry on.
Eliza! Eliza!: Sick. →
I take this awfulness personally. It sucks to be sick, especially gut-sick. And uninsured. And flat on your back in pain. I am a lucky chick.
elizaeliza:
I want Ryan Gosling to buy me health insurance. Or maybe Mila Kunis.
Here’s the thing - I am sick. I am severely anemic and stuck in the middle of a pretty brutal Ulcerative Colitis flare. I was diagnosed with UC 5 years ago - it’s a...
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Best costume idea so far!
From my old pal Josh via Facebook:
“Anyway, I have an idea for a costume type thing. It would make everyone in the operating room very uncomfortable but I think it would be hilarious. So right before you go into surgery, have someone put big “X”s on your eyelids. So when you are in surgery and out like a light, you look cartoony dead. Also, sneak in a fart machine and give...
On a lighter note (NSFPWHF*)
*Not safe for people who hate farts.
BF: (paraphrased due to faulty memory and being a tad horrified)
You know, your farts have a lower frequency now. They definitely sound better. That means you’re getting better. Before, they were seriously high-pitched, like only dogs could hear them, like little “pew pew pew” (unintelligible). Now they sound way more normal....
Just saying.
Sometimes the person hugging you needs the hug even more.
Let them hug.
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“‘Kindness’ covers all of my political beliefs. I believe that if, at the end,...”
– Roger Ebert (via mymotherwasright)
Trick or-
Surgery is set for 10/31. Happy Halloween!
Proposed costume ideas for wearing into surgery:
Bunny ears and tail
Wonder Woman headdress
Gloria Gaynor singing “I will Survive”
Clown wig
Slutty GI surgery patient (hospital gown and fishnets)
Suggestions welcome!
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